What Danger Has Taught Me About Taking it a Day At a Time
And by Danger, I don’t mean peril. I mean my four-year-old-tomorrow son that I call Danger online.
For those of you who don’t know anything about Danger, I’ll fill you in. He’s been in early intervention for Autism since he was two. He’s still mostly non-verbal. He likes to read and sing, and sometimes escape. He’s great on the drums.
He’s taught me a lot more than I will ever teach him. One of the biggest lessons so far has been the art of taking it one day at a time. Every day, he improves. Every day, there’s a new gem. It’s hard to explain to someone why it’s SO EXCITING that your almost-four-year-old tickled his little sister the other day. It’s hard to explain why every word is gold and every smile is worth more than everything you own.
If you step back and look at how far he has to go, sometimes it’s hard to take those victories. Because it’s easy to worry about where he’ll be…or won’t be…in ten years. Fifteen years. Twenty years.
And that worry can take away from the smiles. So that’s why, where he’s concerned, I resolved very early on to focus on every win, every day. One day at a time, one step at a time, no victory too small. No mountain is too big if you just put on foot in front of the other, if you just take it a little at a time.
I’ve also discovered this philosophy applies nicely in other areas of my life. When I think about writing as a career and what I want to achieve, I can feel overwhelmed. And while the big picture matters and planning is certainly important, it’s also important to live in the moment. To appreciate the work you did today. Don’t worry about what an editor might think tomorrow. Celebrate what you did now, the victory of getting ten words, fifteen hundred words, five thousand words. But celebrate it.
Projecting too far ahead, taking on worries that don’t apply to you now and really may never apply, are the enemy of your productivity, your creativity and your happiness.
Finances are like that too, and DUDE I HAVE BEEN THERE. Trust me. I won’t depress you with specifics, but I have been. One day at a time. One hurdle at a time.
Don’t become so focused on your distant goals, that you can’t take a moment to celebrate more immediate achievements. Do I want my son to converse? Yes. I want that. Some days more than anything. I want so badly to be able to free that part of his mind so I can hear his thoughts, so I can understand him. But if I only fixate on that, I’ll miss the accomplishment that it is when he says “I wubyou”.
That’s something you can’t miss. That’s a victory that you have to celebrate. And it’s not small.
Remember to celebrate your own victories, every day. Be proud that after a rejection you sat down and wrote. Be proud that you hit send. Be proud that you wrote two hundred words. Be proud of what you do.
Do you think we should make cake to celebrate our small victories? They could be mini-cupcakes…just a thought.
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Great post, Maisy. Our 10yo son is on the spectrum as well and I really took everything you said to heart. It can be difficult to remember be thankful for the little things when the day-to-day can be a trial. And you’re right–it all translates into our writing lives as well. Thanks!
Great blog post. And so, so true.
How wonderful that you enjoy every day and turn each one into something special. It is so easy to focus on what the world says can’t happen. What our kids can’t do. What we can’t do. It’s easy to forget that the journey matters as much as the results. And often when you, even when you aren’t watching, all those little daily steps can take you some place wonderful.
Good grief! Maisey! Thanks for making me cry! It was a good kind of cry though. As a parent of two kids with ASD (two of my triplets), there are no such things as “little victories”. The other day, one of them said “Mine!”, and I was so excited because he is doing what “typical” 3-year-old should do which is to assert themselves. In so many ways, I feel so blessed. This experienced has made me more compassionate, more tolerant, patient and loving. Would I have chosen this road? Probably not. But God has chosen me for it, and in exchange He gave me the gift of my children. And I’m so grateful.
Karen, I think with ASD, or any kind of special needs, it’s one day at a time. Otherwise I think it can overwhelm and rob us of the joy we should take in our kids. And they are wonderful sources of joy!! But of course, it’s an ongoing process.
Thanks, Daisy!
Julia, that’s such a beautiful way to phrase it. I appreciate that.
Grace, it’s so very true. What a wonderful accomplishment for him too!! And you’re very right, it is hard, and yet, God gave us these beautiful kids, and they are everything we need. And just think, we’re just right for them!
Great post Maisey. Love that Danger said those words to you. xx
Wonderful post. Happy Birthday to Danger tomorrow!