Now Entering Doubtsville: Population…pretty much everyone.

Writers are funny creatures. Really, all creatives are funny creatures. No matter how grand the ego on the outside (and some of them really do have some graaand egos they’re waving around out front like LOOK AT ME I’M SEXAY AND I KNOW IT) the underneath stuff is kind of soft and mushy and easily wounded.

That’s why, I think, you get those writers who freak out about criticism publicly and make excuses or get angry. It’s because beneath the bluster, they’re desperately insecure and they wanted your praise, sweet cheese niblets, not your disdain.

I’m someone who, at the end of the day, likes my books. I’ll admit that here and now. For the most part, I enjoy working on them, and when I’m finished, it’s a story that I’m happy to put my name on and ask readers to pay money for. (I don’t usually arrive at that conclusion until my editor or agent gives me the thumbs up and I can breathe again, but that’s my typical thought on my end product.)

BUT, that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with bouts of crippling, sucktastic doubt. And I hate those moments more than anything because they make each word a struggle and they make me feel TIRED and they just aren’t fun.

I want to be emotionally connected to the book I’m working on. I want to care about the characters and believe in them. But I don’t always. And by that, I mean, during every writing session on a given day I’m not necessarily like ERMAHGHERD MER GERNIUS!!

And it’s on those days, when I’m sitting there with my stomach sinking, and my head aching and I’m thinking I JUST WANT TO DELETE THE WHOLE THING, that I have to trust that craft knowledge will carry me through, and that, most importantly, if I don’t have it right now, I can fix it later.

For me, writing THROUGH it, the sucky sad blah feelings, it important. Because if I leave it sitting there then I’m just going to get afraid of it. The bad is going to feel badder and bigger and the longer I don’t write, the more fearsome it will become in our heads.

I think pretty much everyone struggles with this crazy doubty pants stuff and no amount of external validation will erase it, you just have to learn to manage it. And tell it to go back to the darkness from whence it came. It’s what Gandalf would do.

And on the flipside, I believe it’s totally okay to have FUN while you write. And to love what you’re writing, and to be proud of what you’ve accomplished in the end. You aren’t obligated to doubt. You aren’t obligated to dislike what you did. I feel sometimes like women in particular feel like they have to downplay their accomplishments and their excitement. I no likey. I think we work darn hard, whatever we do, and we deserve to have a sense of satisfaction with it.

Don’t ever feel guilty for being happy with where you’re at, or what you’re working on. Don’t downplay it to make other people uncomfortable. Haters are gonna hate, whatever you do. (on a side note, it dismays me to realize that I spend more time modifying my behavior for people who will never like me than I ever spend changing it for people who actually care about me, but that’s another blog post and off topic!)

Whatever you’re feeling, know you aren’t alone! And if you’re NaNo-ing, I wish you a happy time of it!

AND OH HEY. I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you, A Royal World Apart will be available on eharlequin November 1st in print and e (Oct 31st, you could preorder it and get 31% off using the code HALLOW3112), and will be on shelves later in the month. (VIRGIN HERO ALERT) And At His Majesty’s Request is available on the Mills and Boon site November 1st!